Dancing with Attraction VIII

But it made no sense to stay away from what I was attracted to. What made far more sense was letting myself be swept into my swooning. After all, didn’t letting go in aikido precede my attacker magically falling away? Besides, isn’t that what falling in love is all about? Wouldn’t it be romantic to express my undying infatuation and let her respond?
That’s when another voice chimed in.
Who are you trying to convince? She’s smiled at you three times since you’ve met her. She hardly knows you exist. You’re living in a fantasy world..
Luckily, I didn’t have to choose which voice to follow. She didn’t show up the next week. Without her “distracting” me, I followed my own rhythm. I focused on moving from the inside out. At times I even danced with my eyes closed to pay even more attention to myself. I called it my dancing meditation. Naturally, my movements would be affected by the particular song the DJ played, but as far as possible, I wanted to my impulses be self-generated. Dancing with familiar partners—with whom I had no strong attraction—even seemed to flow.
She missed the next dance as well and I built on my success. I came to appreciate the touch of different partners, how softly or firmly they gripped me, how well they followed me and when they tried to lead. By the end of the dance, I so thoroughly enjoyed myself that I’d almost forgot about her.