The Roots of Attraction:
Beyond the Personal
with
Trebbe Johnson and Charles Tack
Institute of Noetic Sciences Retreat Center
Petaluma, CA
Part 1: June 27-29
Part 2: October 9-12
Physically and energetically, the powerful force of attraction is constantly grabbing us and forcing us to pay attention to something outside ourselves. Often we try to ignore what attracts us. Sometimes we take the opposite path and pursue an attraction we know isn't good for us.
Yet every attraction -- whether it's to a person, an object, or a cause – is trying to awaken some aspect of our soul.
In this workshop we explore how to let our attractions feed and nourish us instead of eating us alive. Looking beneath the surface of what seduces us, we discover a deeper longing for meaning and purpose in our life.
With two teachers who have independently pioneered new ways of working with the roots and possibilities of attraction you will:
• Discover how the loves that open (and sometimes break) your heart are actually vital to the growth of your soul
• Learn how to pay attention to what's calling your heart and soul, not just your libido
• Examine the pitfalls, limitations, and triumphs that can arise when you allow yourself to pursue your attraction
• Take the first steps toward following your attractions in fruitful ways instead of losing yourself to them
Trebbe Johnson is the author of The World is a Waiting Lover:
Desire and the Quest for the Beloved. As the director of Vision Arrow, she leads workshops and journeys worldwide that combine adventure travel, mythic imagination, and the quest for meaning. She lives in rural northeastern Pennsylvania.
Charles Tack has explored the dynamics of attraction for twenty years. As a workshop leader and coach, he blends pragmatic skill development with principles of Taoism, Jung's active imagination process and energetic practices from aikido. He lives in northern California.
Don't miss Charles's blog on the roots of attraction: http://rootsofattraction.blogspot.com
Join Trebbe as she discusses the search for the elusive, alluring Beloved and reads from her book, The World Is a Waiting Lover, Thursday, June 26, 7:30 PM, Many Rivers Books & Tea, 130 South Main Street, Sebastopol
"Trebbe Johnson tracks love down as he flits from one place to another, always disguised, never what he seems to be, always pointing to another level."
-Thomas Moore, Author of Care of the Soul
"Deeply grounded in body as well as mind, Charles's teaching is solid, thoughtful, and often delightful."
-Toby Lafferty, PhD, Business Consultant
THE ROOTS OF ATTRACTION, Part 1:
Workshop hours: Friday 7-9 PM, Saturday 9-5, Sunday 9-3
Overnight accommodation at IONS Retreat Center is available.
Cost: $295 for Part 1, $450 for Part 2, $675 for both
(includes lunches)
To register and for more information, contact Charles:
chastack@yahoo.com, 707.237.6799
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Dancing with Attraction X - Reflections
The romantic part of me would like to tell you that this magical dance was the beginning of a long and luscious romance, but that never happened. Though we danced again, we never came close to the original intensity. Getting to know her dwindled to nothing, yet the memory of that experience is readily available for further savoring. Every time I ran into her off the dance floor--once or twice a year--I smiled inwardly recalling that juicy memory, but I didn’t tell her my experience.
I told the story when it felt appropriate. Though some wanted to know who she was, I never revealed it because it didn’t seem to matter. The attraction was impersonal. The woman could have been just about any good dancer I became infatuated with. (Case in point: The last time I saw her, I told her my experience of our first dance together. Though obviously flattered, she just as obviously didn’t remember it.)
Was the experience merely a joyful blip on the screen of my life? No. Did the lack of any substantial relationship afterwards minimize what happened? No again. Yet, that experience sparked my budding interest in the deeper nature of attraction. What was I attracted to? What called me through those months?
As far as I could tell, I was challenged to embody the impulse beneath my attraction instead of throwing it away by demanding its immediate consummation, fleeing from its intensity, freezing in its grip, or pretending it didn’t exist. I was called to bypass my reactions. Once I let go of my agenda, I could trust my embodied impulses to engage the specific circumstances that surrounded me.
That turned out to be far easier to say than it was to accomplish.
I told the story when it felt appropriate. Though some wanted to know who she was, I never revealed it because it didn’t seem to matter. The attraction was impersonal. The woman could have been just about any good dancer I became infatuated with. (Case in point: The last time I saw her, I told her my experience of our first dance together. Though obviously flattered, she just as obviously didn’t remember it.)
Was the experience merely a joyful blip on the screen of my life? No. Did the lack of any substantial relationship afterwards minimize what happened? No again. Yet, that experience sparked my budding interest in the deeper nature of attraction. What was I attracted to? What called me through those months?
As far as I could tell, I was challenged to embody the impulse beneath my attraction instead of throwing it away by demanding its immediate consummation, fleeing from its intensity, freezing in its grip, or pretending it didn’t exist. I was called to bypass my reactions. Once I let go of my agenda, I could trust my embodied impulses to engage the specific circumstances that surrounded me.
That turned out to be far easier to say than it was to accomplish.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Dancing with Attraction IX
I could hardly wait for the next dance, not to see her, but to continue enjoying this new way of dancing. I arrived early and didn’t even notice when she came in. While thoroughly enjoying myself moving all over the dance floor and connecting with several dance partners, at one point, she was in front of me. She was even looking at me. Though a little surprised, I wasn’t shocked like I’d been weeks before. I looked back calmly and an unaffected smile crossed my face. She smiled, too. We even enjoyed a few moves together, though it was nothing like the partner dances I was used to seeing her do with other men. This mini-exchange happened twice more that night. Thoroughly satisfied to have kept to the rhythm of my own dance, even with her, I drove home without making up stories about what they meant or what the future held. I merely enjoyed them for the moments they were and nothing more. I did wonder briefly if, in focusing on myself, my attraction to this woman had dissolved for it no longer seemed to matter if I ever partner danced with her. My hopes and expectations no longer crowded out what was happening now.
At the next dance, this momentum continued. With sweet moments of delightful variations in dances both on my own and with others, I sunk into a rhythm that was more than just self-generated. All the dancers seemed to be in sync with one another and the entire dance floor vibrated as if it were its own living, breathing organism. I found myself in the middle of the floor relishing the experience. To further enhance the pleasure, I closed my eyes for one my “dance meditations.” When I opened them, she was right in front of me. As if on cue, our hands come together and we’re dancing. But I had no time to think about it. The music speeds up and we’re whirling. Faster and faster, the background became a blur. The only thing I could do to keep from getting dizzy was look into her eyes. It was the same for her and our eyes locked onto one another’s.
I don’t know how long we spin—ten seconds or two minutes—but when the song ended, we stopped and let go of each other’s hands. I felt woozy briefly, but a huge smile soon crossed my face. Her look began as a mixture of disbelief and shock, but then seemed to linger with a seeming curiosity. I bowed in gratitude. She stumbled away as if a little drunk.
The second she left, another woman stepped in front of me, reached for my hands and announced, “I want to do that.” In a mild state of shock, I obeyed and spun this new partner through the next song. Though not rising to the same intensity, she thanked me afterwards as if pleased to have received what she wanted.
We didn’t see each other for the rest of the dance, but it didn’t matter. My whole body smiled all the way home. It smiled anytime I thought of that glorious experience over the next few weeks. [It even smiles as I write about it years later.]
At the next dance, this momentum continued. With sweet moments of delightful variations in dances both on my own and with others, I sunk into a rhythm that was more than just self-generated. All the dancers seemed to be in sync with one another and the entire dance floor vibrated as if it were its own living, breathing organism. I found myself in the middle of the floor relishing the experience. To further enhance the pleasure, I closed my eyes for one my “dance meditations.” When I opened them, she was right in front of me. As if on cue, our hands come together and we’re dancing. But I had no time to think about it. The music speeds up and we’re whirling. Faster and faster, the background became a blur. The only thing I could do to keep from getting dizzy was look into her eyes. It was the same for her and our eyes locked onto one another’s.
I don’t know how long we spin—ten seconds or two minutes—but when the song ended, we stopped and let go of each other’s hands. I felt woozy briefly, but a huge smile soon crossed my face. Her look began as a mixture of disbelief and shock, but then seemed to linger with a seeming curiosity. I bowed in gratitude. She stumbled away as if a little drunk.
The second she left, another woman stepped in front of me, reached for my hands and announced, “I want to do that.” In a mild state of shock, I obeyed and spun this new partner through the next song. Though not rising to the same intensity, she thanked me afterwards as if pleased to have received what she wanted.
We didn’t see each other for the rest of the dance, but it didn’t matter. My whole body smiled all the way home. It smiled anytime I thought of that glorious experience over the next few weeks. [It even smiles as I write about it years later.]
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Dancing with Attraction VIII
But it made no sense to stay away from what I was attracted to. What made far more sense was letting myself be swept into my swooning. After all, didn’t letting go in aikido precede my attacker magically falling away? Besides, isn’t that what falling in love is all about? Wouldn’t it be romantic to express my undying infatuation and let her respond?
That’s when another voice chimed in.
Who are you trying to convince? She’s smiled at you three times since you’ve met her. She hardly knows you exist. You’re living in a fantasy world..
Luckily, I didn’t have to choose which voice to follow. She didn’t show up the next week. Without her “distracting” me, I followed my own rhythm. I focused on moving from the inside out. At times I even danced with my eyes closed to pay even more attention to myself. I called it my dancing meditation. Naturally, my movements would be affected by the particular song the DJ played, but as far as possible, I wanted to my impulses be self-generated. Dancing with familiar partners—with whom I had no strong attraction—even seemed to flow.
She missed the next dance as well and I built on my success. I came to appreciate the touch of different partners, how softly or firmly they gripped me, how well they followed me and when they tried to lead. By the end of the dance, I so thoroughly enjoyed myself that I’d almost forgot about her.
That’s when another voice chimed in.
Who are you trying to convince? She’s smiled at you three times since you’ve met her. She hardly knows you exist. You’re living in a fantasy world..
Luckily, I didn’t have to choose which voice to follow. She didn’t show up the next week. Without her “distracting” me, I followed my own rhythm. I focused on moving from the inside out. At times I even danced with my eyes closed to pay even more attention to myself. I called it my dancing meditation. Naturally, my movements would be affected by the particular song the DJ played, but as far as possible, I wanted to my impulses be self-generated. Dancing with familiar partners—with whom I had no strong attraction—even seemed to flow.
She missed the next dance as well and I built on my success. I came to appreciate the touch of different partners, how softly or firmly they gripped me, how well they followed me and when they tried to lead. By the end of the dance, I so thoroughly enjoyed myself that I’d almost forgot about her.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Dancing with Attraction VII
I’d like to report that that the simple task of letting go was easy to accomplish, but I was quickly humbled. It was all I could do to just watch my reactions. Sometimes they came one after another in quick succession. When I saw her dancing alone, I felt the urge to bolt across the dance floor, reach for her hand and sweep her into a delicious whirl. When I saw her dance so well with other men, my eyes would lock onto them and I’d forget my own dancing. When she and a partner danced near me, I’d lean back on my heels and pretend I wasn’t noticing. When I didn’t try to be cool, a smile would impose itself on my face hoping she’d look my way. Each reaction happened without conscious control. Each seemed uninterested in submitting to my desire to invoke a flow state.
The only difference I noticed was her willingness to dance closer to me. Though it probably had little to do with my new focus, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being teased by some devilish being just to tempt me.
Well, it worked. This more microscopic perspective gave me the chance to feast on her peculiarities—the waves in her hair, the shape of her ear, the concentration on her face, even the sight of a few extra inches of thigh when her skirt lifted as she spun. At one point, she came so close that my nose tugged the rest of me towards her wanting to know what she smelled like, but she whooshed by so quickly that nothing lingered but the gentle wind created by her body moving past me.
All this new sensory information trumped my focus on flow. My intention dissolved the instant she passed so close. How quickly had my intention shifted from letting go to getting close. Only intent on experiencing the thrill of another of her orbits through my space, I was once more at the mercy of my attraction. She’d gotten me. I wondered if learning to flow with this attraction without losing myself, required keeping some distance from her, at least for the time being.
The only difference I noticed was her willingness to dance closer to me. Though it probably had little to do with my new focus, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being teased by some devilish being just to tempt me.
Well, it worked. This more microscopic perspective gave me the chance to feast on her peculiarities—the waves in her hair, the shape of her ear, the concentration on her face, even the sight of a few extra inches of thigh when her skirt lifted as she spun. At one point, she came so close that my nose tugged the rest of me towards her wanting to know what she smelled like, but she whooshed by so quickly that nothing lingered but the gentle wind created by her body moving past me.
All this new sensory information trumped my focus on flow. My intention dissolved the instant she passed so close. How quickly had my intention shifted from letting go to getting close. Only intent on experiencing the thrill of another of her orbits through my space, I was once more at the mercy of my attraction. She’d gotten me. I wondered if learning to flow with this attraction without losing myself, required keeping some distance from her, at least for the time being.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Dancing with Attraction VI
Though embarrassing to admit, my reactions in aikido corresponded to what I’d tried on the dance floor. To move aggressively towards this woman dancer could be likened fighting with an attacker and doing things my way regardless of what another wants. When I only stared, it was like freezing in aikido. As Marlboro Man, I wasn’t really present; who I knew myself to be fled in favor of playing a role. Putting on a smile to make flirt was no different from hoping that if I were a nice guy, I wouldn’t be attacked on the mat. In short, to the well-known reactions of fight and flight, I added freeze and flirt. If the experience of letting go in aikido was like “going with the flow,” we’ve got five F’s to choose from.
If flow offered such extraordinary results on the aikido mat, it must just as certainly offer similar results on the dance floor. The question was how to do that, especially if the only way I did it was by letting go. What does letting go look like on the dance floor? Add the fact that, in aikido class we learned how to center, ground, extend and blend, with each skill contributing to the ease with which students dropped into a flow state. Could flow be replicated on the dance floor without that kind of structure that a martial art offers? Instead of aggressively moving towards what I wanted, staring, playing Marlboro Man or Nice Guy, would something else happen with this dancing goddess if I let go and flowed with my attraction?
There was only one way to find out. Though I didn’t exactly know what that looked like on the dance floor, I resolved to experiment with letting go into flow.
If flow offered such extraordinary results on the aikido mat, it must just as certainly offer similar results on the dance floor. The question was how to do that, especially if the only way I did it was by letting go. What does letting go look like on the dance floor? Add the fact that, in aikido class we learned how to center, ground, extend and blend, with each skill contributing to the ease with which students dropped into a flow state. Could flow be replicated on the dance floor without that kind of structure that a martial art offers? Instead of aggressively moving towards what I wanted, staring, playing Marlboro Man or Nice Guy, would something else happen with this dancing goddess if I let go and flowed with my attraction?
There was only one way to find out. Though I didn’t exactly know what that looked like on the dance floor, I resolved to experiment with letting go into flow.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Dancing with Attraction V – Aikido
[On the aikido mat]
Dancing with Attraction V – On the Aikido Mat
She reaches for my throat. My eyes bulge. My body freezes. My internal reaction is immediate.
Ohmigod! She's coming after me. She's grabbing my throat. This isn't a game anymore. I don't want to play.
My right arm rises, rigid like a robot and keeps her at arm's length. We're locked, one straight arm against another.
She backs off and approaches once again. This time a smile crosses my face. My head tilts up and exposes my throat.
Go ahead. Choke me if you want to. Please notice, though, I'm not hurting you. Why would you want to hurt me?
As if she'd read my mind, she says, "I am not being your friend." and adds, with a straight face, "I am attacking you." No smile. No joke. No backing off. Her face remains solemn and serious.
A third time she comes at me. Her face is now two inches from mine. She stares directly into my eyes. I look right back at her.
Hey, you're too close. I wouldn't allow a friend in this far.
I say nothing. Instead, I look up at the far corner of the room. Again, she reads me. "I'm not going away just because you're thinking about what to do." I hear the truth and return. She retreats once more.
Now I'm angry. I'll show her. My face hardens. My shoulders and arms tense. I decide to muscle her down. This won't be hard. I've got at least forty pounds on her.
Come on! Come at me! I'm ready now. I'll show you who's in charge here. You asked for this.
Her fourth approach comes only in words. "If you fight with me, I'm going to resist you."
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! She's caught me. I don't want to fight. Aikido's philosophy of non-resistance is the only reason for me taking up a martial art.
THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
Nothing I know works. I feel frustrated and defeated. That's when I give up. All the energy I'd mustered to fight her drains out of me. Suddenly, she attacks again and a surprising thing happens -- she falls to the ground and rolls away.
What happened? I didn't do anything. I feel as if I am watching a movie. Maybe she feels sorry for pushing me so hard and has given in. I look down at my body and notice that my arms have fallen down by my side, my shoulders no longer hold tension and my feet stand firmly on the ground as if they belonged there.
She stands up and immediately reaches for my throat once more. Again I 'give up' and the same thing happens. Gravity takes over. My tensed shoulders fall. My hands come down on the crook of her arm and bend it. Again she drops onto the mat and rolls away. When it happens a third time, I am absolutely convinced that something else, something beyond my familiar strategies, works much better.
The only thing I could see was that, in my giving up, the energy I had used to tense my shoulder and arm muscles dropped down my spine, through my legs and into the floor -- and my attacker went with it. I gave up fighting and the fight was over. I gave up knowing what to do and the answer came. I let go of my 'normal' reaction and my body knew how to respond.
Another voice in me wasn't so easily convinced. Shocked, stunned and speechless, all it could do at the time was watch. Afterwards, however, it argued convincingly.
That sounds fine and dandy on the aikido mat, where all you have to do is handle one other person. But real life is much more complex, much more difficult. We can't just simply 'give up' and things will work themselves out. Life isn't that simple.
Yes, I knew the truth in those words. Yet, in sixty seconds, none of my familiar defenses worked. What worked was 'too simple.' I wondered if my initial reactions to the throat grab were similar to my ineffective approaches to this attractive woman dancer. I also wondered what would happen if I “let go” in dealing with this attraction.
Dancing with Attraction V – On the Aikido Mat
She reaches for my throat. My eyes bulge. My body freezes. My internal reaction is immediate.
Ohmigod! She's coming after me. She's grabbing my throat. This isn't a game anymore. I don't want to play.
My right arm rises, rigid like a robot and keeps her at arm's length. We're locked, one straight arm against another.
She backs off and approaches once again. This time a smile crosses my face. My head tilts up and exposes my throat.
Go ahead. Choke me if you want to. Please notice, though, I'm not hurting you. Why would you want to hurt me?
As if she'd read my mind, she says, "I am not being your friend." and adds, with a straight face, "I am attacking you." No smile. No joke. No backing off. Her face remains solemn and serious.
A third time she comes at me. Her face is now two inches from mine. She stares directly into my eyes. I look right back at her.
Hey, you're too close. I wouldn't allow a friend in this far.
I say nothing. Instead, I look up at the far corner of the room. Again, she reads me. "I'm not going away just because you're thinking about what to do." I hear the truth and return. She retreats once more.
Now I'm angry. I'll show her. My face hardens. My shoulders and arms tense. I decide to muscle her down. This won't be hard. I've got at least forty pounds on her.
Come on! Come at me! I'm ready now. I'll show you who's in charge here. You asked for this.
Her fourth approach comes only in words. "If you fight with me, I'm going to resist you."
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! She's caught me. I don't want to fight. Aikido's philosophy of non-resistance is the only reason for me taking up a martial art.
THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
Nothing I know works. I feel frustrated and defeated. That's when I give up. All the energy I'd mustered to fight her drains out of me. Suddenly, she attacks again and a surprising thing happens -- she falls to the ground and rolls away.
What happened? I didn't do anything. I feel as if I am watching a movie. Maybe she feels sorry for pushing me so hard and has given in. I look down at my body and notice that my arms have fallen down by my side, my shoulders no longer hold tension and my feet stand firmly on the ground as if they belonged there.
She stands up and immediately reaches for my throat once more. Again I 'give up' and the same thing happens. Gravity takes over. My tensed shoulders fall. My hands come down on the crook of her arm and bend it. Again she drops onto the mat and rolls away. When it happens a third time, I am absolutely convinced that something else, something beyond my familiar strategies, works much better.
The only thing I could see was that, in my giving up, the energy I had used to tense my shoulder and arm muscles dropped down my spine, through my legs and into the floor -- and my attacker went with it. I gave up fighting and the fight was over. I gave up knowing what to do and the answer came. I let go of my 'normal' reaction and my body knew how to respond.
Another voice in me wasn't so easily convinced. Shocked, stunned and speechless, all it could do at the time was watch. Afterwards, however, it argued convincingly.
That sounds fine and dandy on the aikido mat, where all you have to do is handle one other person. But real life is much more complex, much more difficult. We can't just simply 'give up' and things will work themselves out. Life isn't that simple.
Yes, I knew the truth in those words. Yet, in sixty seconds, none of my familiar defenses worked. What worked was 'too simple.' I wondered if my initial reactions to the throat grab were similar to my ineffective approaches to this attractive woman dancer. I also wondered what would happen if I “let go” in dealing with this attraction.
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