Dancing with Attraction VII

I’d like to report that that the simple task of letting go was easy to accomplish, but I was quickly humbled. It was all I could do to just watch my reactions. Sometimes they came one after another in quick succession. When I saw her dancing alone, I felt the urge to bolt across the dance floor, reach for her hand and sweep her into a delicious whirl. When I saw her dance so well with other men, my eyes would lock onto them and I’d forget my own dancing. When she and a partner danced near me, I’d lean back on my heels and pretend I wasn’t noticing. When I didn’t try to be cool, a smile would impose itself on my face hoping she’d look my way. Each reaction happened without conscious control. Each seemed uninterested in submitting to my desire to invoke a flow state.
The only difference I noticed was her willingness to dance closer to me. Though it probably had little to do with my new focus, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was being teased by some devilish being just to tempt me.
Well, it worked. This more microscopic perspective gave me the chance to feast on her peculiarities—the waves in her hair, the shape of her ear, the concentration on her face, even the sight of a few extra inches of thigh when her skirt lifted as she spun. At one point, she came so close that my nose tugged the rest of me towards her wanting to know what she smelled like, but she whooshed by so quickly that nothing lingered but the gentle wind created by her body moving past me.
All this new sensory information trumped my focus on flow. My intention dissolved the instant she passed so close. How quickly had my intention shifted from letting go to getting close. Only intent on experiencing the thrill of another of her orbits through my space, I was once more at the mercy of my attraction. She’d gotten me. I wondered if learning to flow with this attraction without losing myself, required keeping some distance from her, at least for the time being.